For the entire Animal Kingdom except me, tomorrow’s a “day of holy festivities”… a “very special day”… King Chickpea the Chicken’s birthday… blah blah blah! God, the thought of it makes me want to go to bed.
I’m Coco the Caterpillar, and I despise Chickpea. First of all, his name’s ridiculous, though some find it cute. Second of all, he looks like an inflated trash bag covered with too many feathers. He thinks that too many feathers helps him look intimidating. But when I go to royal court meetings, I have to stuff a boot into my mouth to muffle the sound of my laughing.
He’s this guy with a big belly, ruffled up feathers and red, round eyes. He has an unbelievably terrible sense of humor, and has no respect for self-hygiene. Overall, he looks like a fat spoiled chick playing dress up at 1 am. But the worst thing is I’m poor, and he’s spoiled and rich, and he never gives me a single thing no matter how hard I work at the kingdom. So that’s why I steal from him on his birthday and distribute to the poor.
He’s really easy to steal from. He says he has a very advanced security system, but the system’s just a big gate made of chicken with 2 gorilla guards that basically sleep all day. But of course, I’m smarter than him, so I have a plan!
I love eating chicken and cook it nearly every day. So I always take lots of pieces of chicken with me and keep them in a pot when I go for a robbery. Even if the gorillas are awake, I’m too tiny for them to see. Worst case they’ll see me and try to smash me, but I’ll just escape. So I just eat my way through the gate made of chicken and that’s pretty much my dinner! Then I replace the hole with plenty of chicken pieces from my pot, so no one suspects anything.
There was this time 5 years ago, on his birthday when I stole his motorcar, you should’ve seen his face! He looked like a cat after a 10 hour bath! Hee hee hee! 4 years ago, I stole his watch. A year later I stole his wallet, his Chixedo 2 years ago (if you’re a human, a Chixedo’s basically a tuxedo made of chicken. He just nibbles on it all day and when there’s no more of it he just cooks a new one), and 10,000 Chicks (‘Chick’ is their unit of money, each Chick is $5) last year.
Now I’m planning another attack because of how busy it’ll be during the festivities. I’ve heard that he recently bought a brand new 1 Million-Chick Diamond ring and I’m gonna steal it! So here’s the plan…
First of all, I’ll hide in the royal cabinet beside his throne. He has this golden button he presses to summon his servants. I’ve secretly replaced it with a fake one last night. The fake has a string tied to it, and the other end of the string is attached to the attic door right above him. Above the attic door I’ve placed 30,000 pieces of confetti! So when he presses the button, the attic door’ll open, and all the confetti will fall on him! So all the servants will rush into the room and help him, forming a huge crowd. And the moment it happens, I’ll bolt out of the cabinet, grab the ring, and BAM, I’m outta there!
Well.. I’ll see you at 1 am. Time to….. geda ….. good ….. zleep ……. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ….
[1 am] Hey guys, I’m ready! Are you? Perfect! Let’s get this mission goin’! Okay so I’m gathering the pot of chicken and a thick coat; it’s snowing right now. Let’s see… wait, where’re my mittens! And my hat! And my boot! Oh no, I’m gonna freeze out there! Halp!
[5 minutes later] Aha! Here they are! Okay, let’s get rolling! So the palace is about a 100 meter hike from here. That’s gonna be a long way through the land, and that too in 2 foot deep snow! So see ya there!
[1 hour later] Hi, my friend! I’ve reached the palace gate now. There go the gorillas, snoring like mad. That means they’ve dozed off, as usual. I’ve gotta chomp through the chicken gate and get inside the palace. See you in 10 minutes!
[10 minutes later] Hey person, I’ve gotta whisper now, I’m in the throne room, and Chickpea’s right there, he’s eating chicken wings and sauce is dribbling all over his front! (What did I tell you about his hygiene?) Oh look! He’s gonna press the button. Three… two… one… BAM!
What a confetti explosion! Oops, there go the alarms, they’re blaring like maniacs! Oh god, here come the generals and soldiers and servants! I’ve gotta run for the cabinet! Gas gas gas!
Yeesh, I just escaped right as the crowd stampeded in! Oh, the king just spit out confetti, that’s my cue! Wish me luck, my noble friend! Charge! Oof! Bang! Crash! Ouch! YES! I got the Diamond ring! Let’s get outta here!
“COME HERE THIS INSTANT, YA NO-GOOD, PARTY-CRASHING, TREASURE-STEALIN’ LITTLE RASCAL!”, bellows Chickpea. Oh no, I’ve gotta run, they’re all chasing me!
“Let me eat you for breakfast!”, yelled General BBQ.
[5 minutes later] Whew, that was the toughest theft I’ve ever pulled off! Well, at least I can sell the Diamond ring for a huge fortune!
That’s what I do with everything I steal from him. I only keep what I need to keep going and the rest I distribute to the poor animals in the village. So, my amazing friends, see you next year. I can’t wait to see what new marvelous gifts we can steal from King Chickpea!